2021: A Very COVID-19 Christmas!

Well this Christmas was supposed to be different but that b*tch Omicron tried done shut things down, again! With Pantomime actually taking place in 2021, that was a welcome change to be back at the theatre. A special visit was in order, even those who have dearly departed also deserve a Christmas visit. Listen Boris, you won't cancel this Christmas like you did in 2020! No!

Birmingham had us hitting the ground running, 2020 had us robbed of a Christmas experience, nothing would have me missing one single thing! The Frankfurt German Market made its comeback for 2021 with a reduced presence, I wanted a slice of that festive action! Wanting to put my best foot forward, my former student city had me feeling the same market vibe as if it was 2013! The Christmas lights had me feeling thankful, 2020 had robbed me from seeing any open displays in person. If truth be told, I did not want to miss a thing! 2021 had us in a vaccine state of mind, my birthday weekend to Manchester had gone swimmingly so the upcoming new variant wasn't on our calendar. No, it was not! I wanted Christmas served to me throughout December because Rona ain't saying nothing about me, those Bullring lights had me feeling festive. Miss COVID-19, no she ain't robbing anymore time from me during any holiday, remember what I told you! Christmas catwalk? B*tch, you will never be able runaway from this! 

Opening the door, Birmingham's New Street was dressed for the Christmas prime time! I wasn't in business to spend what those stalls wanted, the mulled wine tasted nice but with those limited funds it was time to go off! Birmingham served me that market charm but I took the ambiance as currency rather than the price tag. I was looking for a present for my Niece and Nephew for their annual Christmas tree decoration, the same looking stall didn't impress me whatsoever! I knew in that moment I would be Etsy'ing those presents right there and then, shame the seller didn't have their act together but truth be told those loves will be introduced to that present next year because they are still very young. Baby, we were cheated! Mine and my Mom's mulled wine was served in a paper cup for too much money! How!? The Crêpe was much better but I was not feeling the overpriced nature. The Christmas tree impressed me but the economic manipulation wasn't a mood! The Crêpe was the mood but time was up for us, it was time for home! Alright!?

Kerst met the fam!? Panto was a thing? Seriously, I booked up those tickets when I could and no Coronavirus would be stopping me and my Mum from seeing the show! Cinderella came to Wolverhampton's Grand Theatre, this pandemic would not be swerving anymore experiences because those tickets were booked! Taking our seats with our masks on, to be honest I was more thankful to be inside a theatre with a show carrying on! Denise Pearson from Five Star was the Fairy God Mother with much soul to show, truth be told she was the best cast member in the whole show! Come on Grand Theatre, bring the crowds a diverse cast because why Cinderella got to be white!? Why? The show had all the trappings of a pantomime fantastic, the first half had me entertained and then some because the theatre had found me once again! Why was the ensemble so small? Covid needs to leave us alone, bring back those larger theatre crews! Regardless, I enjoyed it! 2022 won't be getting this Grand Theatre experience? Sorry, no thanks! 

2020 had us in the house far too much, those theatres didn't have bums on seats at all! For me, the last show for me had been Frozen: The Musical at NYC's St. James Theatre, the first show in many years since moving to China. Wolverhampton's Grand wasn't exactly in the hubbub that Frozen was in but I appreciated the same old 'he's behind you' gags! Deep down, I loved the show because the school kids in the theatre kind of reminded me of my former and prospective students in China. The hilarity and light of the Panto gave me a little bit of love, marvelling at a slice of theatre within such a space gave me light. No law should ban us from a Panto, tell me who's wrong!? I saw a Panto, now I understand how my Brother will have to deal with his kids during those theatre shows! After a pandemic, well during it, I valued the time spent at the Wolverhampton Grand because I loved it! At the end of the day, Lady Tremaine can speak for herself! Cinderella, I said what I said! Aladdin in 2022? No, baby! Category is, drop me out babe!

Overcoming all obstacles, I knew that this Christmas would bring 'Big Kanga Energy! We lost the big man on the same day as the 'Duke of Edinburgh's funeral because if there's one way to exit, it's during a pivotal time! Striking up the band, Kanga better know that we are writing a whole new chapter in his honour because the laughter won't ever fade! Stepping into Christmas we know this will be Kang's main event even if he's not in the living world! Kang wouldn't let the spotlight fade, we have carried on regardless because he wouldn't want our lives to be dull! He wouldn't want our Christmas to be dull, letting the festive season into our souls I for one know he's going to be with us during that special day because he's got to be! Haunting this house enough, this Christmas will be a celebration of love, light and the rest of it! Kanga, you know I for one will have a drink in hand because I am not being badmouthed form the afterlife! No! Coming back to the UK was for the best, I see it was for the right reasons. Guard those coins, K! 

Making it over to Coventry just a little bit before Christmas, Kang kept us on that cost effective pursuit because we didn't waste any pennies! Birmingham Airport crossed our path on that bus from Birmingham to Pool Meadow Station in Coventry! Meeting Brogan, we made our way to Canley Crem because we believe in life after Kang! That graveside moment gave us the time to wish our Christmas and Anniversary wishes to the big man, we are really strong enough to get through this but we believe in Kang after Kang! Heading back into Coventry, we chose the 'Flying Standard' to have something to eat because that local Coventrian Wetherspoon had us looking out for Realness! Blessed, spending time with those people that afternoon had me blessed because I trusted Kang wouldn't want us to be sad during that Christmas period. Come on Kanga, give me that truth one more time! Leaving Coventry, the love will go on and on, like a story it will be forever told! Raise your glass, make a toast! Hey, it's not Christmas Day yet 不是! 

I was over Christmas before it had arrived but with Rona and the British Government messing with our lives I became open to spending the festive season with a lighter refrain. Taking the Michael out of the whole holiday I decided to grab a jumper from the popular German supermarket chain, we all need a change! Putting my best foot forward, Boris wasn't going to make my Christmas political or corrupt, nothing was getting beyond me that was dark! No! Drinking more than I should have during Christmas Eve's night, those late night plans had to be honoured because life is for living! From red wine to scotch, don't ask how I felt the following day because honey, it wasn't pretty. Sure as Santa has a thick sack, my head stood as thick before that leveller! That alcoholic crossover had me feeling worse for wear, I do not need to justify such details! No! Not ready for the wartime, those drinks had me feeling awful as I dressed myself, the Lidl Christmas knew that I wanted to work! Joseph, just give them what they want! 

Fa la la, I really don't care! The day of Christmas was blessed, no conflict occurred because our favourite holiday had us feeling at home. The kids got on with their ish but the adults couldn't be more proud of them! That Christmas morning hangover had me feeling fragile, not longing for the 'high life' because Christmas had me going off and giving the gods just what they wanted! Perspective is life, not wanting to go off, the whole day panned out effortlessly without any worries. At the beginning of the record tonight, my Lidl jumper and love for my family got me through. Kanga didn't want us to start over, pushing us into a whole new beginning of the rest of our lives changed our world, space and time! Jiggling those titties, shaking those tatas like Yara Sofia told us to, I found such an empowering message from those lyrics, clearly I felt like a fly ferocious lady! Sashay, shantaying into the New Year, Miss Rona needs to leave and our lives need to resume! Christmas means absolutely nothing, I don't need chicken sh*t excuses! Ho, ho!

Omicron, Who!? 

Joseph Harrison


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